Fatherhood: It's Never to Late

It was 1990 and I was 13 years old, it was the last time I can remember my father being around for one of my birthday celebrations or better yet any celebration. Now, there are some things you should know about my father and me. First, we share the same name and secondly, we also share the same birthday. Like most, Latinos naming your first-born boy after the father is a tradition. Furthermore my parents were not married, something that has become a negative standard associated with our culture, and as you can imagine contributed significantly to his absence. In fact, my father didn’t live in Rochester he lived in Newark, New Jersey and currently resides in Florida.

Outside of these small intimate rendezvous around birthdays or holidays that was the extent of our relationship. I grew up without his presence. Although my Grandfather did an outstanding job filling the void, it is something that I still am impacted by today. Questions of why and images of doubt still go through my mind as to why my father was never really involved. At the time of his absence I didn’t know what to think of his lack of involvement, or what to say. I thought it was normal, because all of my other Latino and African American friends were also being raised by their single mothers and grandparents, again I knew nothing else.

The point that I am trying to make is that the role of the Latino Male as a father within our community has drastically declined. In fact, according to the 2000 Census Hispanic women had a 36% rate of childbirths out of wedlock. This statistic clearly states that there is a divide within our family structure. A separation that allows Latino males to not step up and take responsibility for not only creating a child but also in raising them. We have lost the value of fatherhood within the Latino family structure. I am not saying that parents have to get married or even that they have to live together, but instead what I am saying is that the today more then ever the father must be involved in raising his child. Involvement doesn’t mean just paying child support or showing up on those special days. It means picking up the phone daily and calling to check on his or her progress. It means spending time reading a book, or coloring with him or her. It means showing that child, that although you are not living with them, you are committed to always being a part of their life. It also means that during good and bad times you will always be there.

Presently, the communication between my father and I is still sporadic, and although we have never had any meaningful conversations about why things worked out the way they did, I do know he is proud of what I have become. I know that he acknowledges the strength of my mother and the commitment of my grandfather to fill his void. I also know that it hurts him knowing that he wasn’t around enough, although he has never told me directly, he has demonstrated it by his renewed attempts to stay in contact. Again, I know that it hurts because he could never go back and change the way things worked out.

Having recently become a father myself I have not taken the role of being a father lightly. I know realize first hand the power and influence I will have on my son as a man. Lastly, if you could take anything from this small vignette of my life, take with you the impact and importance of being a Latino and a father. There is no time like the present to go out and change your approach and ensure you are a part of your child’s future. Ultimately, If you know a Latino father who hasn’t done their part please remind them of how important this moment is and that it’s never to late to start.
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¡Viviendo el Sueño! (Living the Dream!)
Mr. Anibal Soler, Jr.
http://www.anibalsoler.com
http://anibalsoler.blogspot.com

7 Months as a Father

It has been an amazing 7 months since my son stepped into my life. It has been filled with many long nights and exciting days! My son has brought a new found joy to my family and a new role for myself. He is truly a blessing and has brought a renewed perspective and purpose on life. His innocence, energy and curiosity is contagious and often times refreshing in a world that could burn you at a moments notice.

Time is going so fast and I often catch myself worried that soon enough he will be asking me for advice on women, sports, school and life. He will be watching my every move and looking at me as his benchmark on life. I will have to set the bar high for my son, and I will also have to support him at all times to ensure that he is successful at whatever he chooses.

Bottom line, he is always going to be looking up to me.

Avery, I love you!

Papi

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Living the Dream!
Mr. Anibal Soler, Jr.
www.anibalsoler.com

Becoming a Father

Those of you who read this on a daily or monthly basis know I do not often speak of my own personal life and usually stick to issues of education. This current posting I have decided to speak about what is currently going on in my life. Many of you are aware of my journey on becoming a Father but most of you are not.  If you're like most let me bring you up to speed.

After trying for two years on our own, my wife and I we were unable to have a child of our own. My wife and I decided to go another route to becoming parents, adoption was our choice. In just a short time after finishing our classes and social work visits my wife and I have been selected to adopt our son from Indiana. We are in the final weeks until his arrival. His due date is Jan. 1, 2008. His name is going to be Avery Celestino Soler. He will have the middle name of the most influential male in my life, my Abuelo (Grandfather) Tino. His room is ready to go and all we are awaiting for is his arrival.

We received a call early Friday morning from the birth mother that she was having contractions 3 to 4 minutes apart and she wanted to put us on standby. Well the day went on and it looks like Avery is not ready to come into the world just yet.

Well even though I am not currently driving on my way to go pick him up from the hospital in Indiana that phone call got me to do some more thinking about being a Father.

I thought to myself oh man, I am going to be a Dad, officially now, the pressure is on! I got to thinking how my life will now change as I will have an all new purpose to live for. Looking back at my life I grew up without the daily presence of my biological father. He would visit on birthdays and special occasions but as I grew older those visits became fewer and fewer. I grew up mostly living with my Mother and spending a lot of time with my grandparents and in particular with my Abuelo (Grandpa). He showed me over the years what it meant to be a man and he often disciplined me through words, actions and expectations.

I know think to myself what type of Father will I be? Will I be courageous enough to tell my son, I love him daily. Will I be able to prepare him for success like my Abuelo (Grandfather) did for me? Will I be able to show him that what matters in life most is what we do for others and not the monetary things we possess. I know I will have a lot of challenges ahead of me and I have some great examples in my life that will help me as I enter the world of fatherhood.

Avery, I hope one day you read this. As the days get closer I can't wait until I have you in my arms! I want you to know that I will make mistakes as our journey begins together but understand that I am learning this whole father role. I will do my best to give you all the love and support you need to succeed, and if I don't please let me know. I know you may not agree with the things I do, but remember I am only going to do what is best for you and I have learned a lot from my own experiences. I can't wait to spend time playing basketball with you and hanging out like father and sons do. I may sometimes embarrass you as you can tell in this photo, your father likes to joke around a lot, but son don't take any of it personal.

Lastly, hurry up and come into this world your father is eagerly waiting!

I Love You!

Future Father of the Year!
Your Papi!