Fatherhood: It's Never to Late

It was 1990 and I was 13 years old, it was the last time I can remember my father being around for one of my birthday celebrations or better yet any celebration. Now, there are some things you should know about my father and me. First, we share the same name and secondly, we also share the same birthday. Like most, Latinos naming your first-born boy after the father is a tradition. Furthermore my parents were not married, something that has become a negative standard associated with our culture, and as you can imagine contributed significantly to his absence. In fact, my father didn’t live in Rochester he lived in Newark, New Jersey and currently resides in Florida.

Outside of these small intimate rendezvous around birthdays or holidays that was the extent of our relationship. I grew up without his presence. Although my Grandfather did an outstanding job filling the void, it is something that I still am impacted by today. Questions of why and images of doubt still go through my mind as to why my father was never really involved. At the time of his absence I didn’t know what to think of his lack of involvement, or what to say. I thought it was normal, because all of my other Latino and African American friends were also being raised by their single mothers and grandparents, again I knew nothing else.

The point that I am trying to make is that the role of the Latino Male as a father within our community has drastically declined. In fact, according to the 2000 Census Hispanic women had a 36% rate of childbirths out of wedlock. This statistic clearly states that there is a divide within our family structure. A separation that allows Latino males to not step up and take responsibility for not only creating a child but also in raising them. We have lost the value of fatherhood within the Latino family structure. I am not saying that parents have to get married or even that they have to live together, but instead what I am saying is that the today more then ever the father must be involved in raising his child. Involvement doesn’t mean just paying child support or showing up on those special days. It means picking up the phone daily and calling to check on his or her progress. It means spending time reading a book, or coloring with him or her. It means showing that child, that although you are not living with them, you are committed to always being a part of their life. It also means that during good and bad times you will always be there.

Presently, the communication between my father and I is still sporadic, and although we have never had any meaningful conversations about why things worked out the way they did, I do know he is proud of what I have become. I know that he acknowledges the strength of my mother and the commitment of my grandfather to fill his void. I also know that it hurts him knowing that he wasn’t around enough, although he has never told me directly, he has demonstrated it by his renewed attempts to stay in contact. Again, I know that it hurts because he could never go back and change the way things worked out.

Having recently become a father myself I have not taken the role of being a father lightly. I know realize first hand the power and influence I will have on my son as a man. Lastly, if you could take anything from this small vignette of my life, take with you the impact and importance of being a Latino and a father. There is no time like the present to go out and change your approach and ensure you are a part of your child’s future. Ultimately, If you know a Latino father who hasn’t done their part please remind them of how important this moment is and that it’s never to late to start.
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¡Viviendo el Sueño! (Living the Dream!)
Mr. Anibal Soler, Jr.
http://www.anibalsoler.com
http://anibalsoler.blogspot.com